and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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