I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
