Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
