Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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