she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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