I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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