"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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