I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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