ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
