Me. At least after what I've been through.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
