Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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