Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize