apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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