Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
