bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm passing your future prison.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
