Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
