So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
