Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
