the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
