oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Pants are for mortals
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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