so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
