We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
