But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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