yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
