Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize