i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
