I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We are all done wearing pants today
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
