I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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