All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
