wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Actions speak louder than pants.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
