This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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