I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize