arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
