I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My balls are so social today.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
