that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
