I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
