I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
