I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
