I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
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