Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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