It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
