i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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