shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
