Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize