i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
