I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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