There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
