I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
