And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
