Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
