I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize