it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
