this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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