My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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