I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
barbara walters just said penis...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
