I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
