Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize
