He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
