idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
