literally had 100 drinks last night.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
