i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
FUCK WHALES
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