I'm going to jail i love you
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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