I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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