for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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