you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Boobs are out for the taking
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
