we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
