She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
