so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
