so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
