I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize