I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
