He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
