I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
