were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
