Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
