this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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