I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
