I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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