im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm just crazy horny about you
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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