I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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