My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
