Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
