it wasn't lemon gatorade
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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