I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
