Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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