i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
