bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
