I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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