Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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