tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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