i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Alive.
So much puke
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
