Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
