My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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