Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
