My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
