My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
