My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
