At least make sure they are 18
Why
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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