you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
