what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
