If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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