If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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