Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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