I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
