Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
