i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
