You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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