My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
