I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he fucked my hip out of place.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
