the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
