Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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