I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
not ubering you a puppy
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
